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And the Captain was up for a Scrap

There was no chance it could have got worse than the last game against AWS. Rammer had a family emergency to look at not long before kick-off and that meant the Gaffer would not be joining the rest of the group for the game today. Any good planning from the boss was then clearly compromised and Kenny became kit boy, admin, keeper and everything else. He called in help from Dave Stead (thanks Dave) to help with running things on the day. The first challenge was getting into the changing rooms, which Swanny described as one of those Escape Room Puzzles. Three grown men trying to figure out how things worked and where to get things open. It was laughable. We managed it though in the end and the teams were changed.

A few player changes for this game saw Tom Gilroy return following an injury and the skilful forward was needing some match fitness. And new boy Ross McGuigan came into midfield after signing in January and combative Needham deciding he was injured. There were also changes with the starting 11. Davo was back from a lengthy lay off, Steady was also in, Kenny was in goal with the Walkers all unavailable. And Swanny was back to give the forward line some guile and support.

The make-shift Gaffer reminded everyone that matching effort against Colburn today will see us more likely win the game, particularly if we can match our technical ability with that effort and determination.
While we didn’t play particularly well in big spells of the game we were competing and putting the effort in. Even Eddie who usually doesn’t tackle was putting it about. So much so he saw an early booking for his trouble too.
Colburn took an early lead from a freekick that was crossed in, their midfielder looped a headed into the corner. Other than a couple of coming out to get the ball and a save from Kenny in the first half, our backline was solid. Davo was commanding throughout and Steady was reading the game well. Kyle was his usual composed self and the captain at left back was also keeping the ball out. He did at one stage encourage Brandon Bishop to give him a smack and it felt to many that Brandon would have been to oblige too. Sean must have ten feet tall standing up to some bigger boys. I cant help but think that had Brandon gone for it though, the captain’s todger would have realised some wee down his leg, shrivelled up inside itself and had Sean on the floor in the foetal position. Credit to the captain though he stood up for it.
We ended the half the better side without really creating a great lot and we had much to happy about. It was our passing which perhaps let us down, in the main in the final third.

In the second half, we scored early on following a great through ball from Ross to Gilroy who was clean through and finished, almost naturally with his wrong foot, sliding it past the oncoming keeper. The ref had the game stopping and starting and we couldn’t really get down to playing. If we are honest, Colburn deserved to get something out of the game as they kept pushing for a second and our backline was resolute. but was the home team in fact that took the advantage. A great exchange with Nathan and Gilroy had Nathan through down the left channel. He hit a great left footed shot across the keeper and into the corner to send us 2-1 up with 20 minutes to go. Colburn could have become shellshocked but stayed firm. Not long after this a hopeful punt forward had their midfield grappling with Steady for the ball. It fell kindly to the midfielder who hit a half volley in the bottom corner which Kenny could do nothing about. We 10 minutes to go and 2-2 against an inform side, challenging for the league we might have seen it out. Another cross into the box though and this time the ref judged that Tyler fouled their striker in the box. There were lots of arguing again, but Bishop made no mistake ramming the ball home for 3-2.
There was a couple of late chances for the home side though, when Gilroy dragged a free kick wide of the post and a flashed ball across the goal and Danny I think it was couldn’t get on the end of it. There was a couple of sinbins, one for both teams and ours, meant Davo who had done well all game, didnt finish the game after going off around 84 mins for giving the ref sh*t.

The game finished 3-2 and was a much better performance in terms of effort and determination than we have had for a while. We match that up with the ability everyone has and we win more than we lose lads.

My favourite thing of the day must go to a particular dick of the day vote. Matty, who let’s be fair didn’t have one of his best games, had a vote for DOTD with the comment “unhook that caravan you’re towing before the next game”. Loved that whoever it was.

Remember, as I said this is a team sport. We win and lose together. We help each other, we talk, we communicate, and we can laugh at each other which is easily the most important. If you want to think of your personal accolades though, footy probably aint for you, so take up Badminton.

Reeth next week. I hope we all turn up as a team!

Match Report – Wolves reached the Europa League

Wolves reached the Europa League knockout stages with a game to spare, despite blowing a two-goal lead. Nuno Espírito Santo’s side suffered a second-half stumble to draw in Portugal. Raúl Jiménez, Matt Doherty and Adama Traoré had fired Wolves into a 3-1 lead after André Horta’s early opener.

But second-half goals from Paulinho and Fransérgio rescued Sporting Braga to also send them into the last 32. They remain top of Group K, a point ahead of Wolves, before the final matches on 12 December. The match also allowed Wolves to briefly forget any speculation linking Nuno to Arsenal but their early qualification only served to enhance his reputation.


It’s been a tough few weeks for Town Reserves. We have had some tough games and to be unbeaten in those games, sitting high in the league and with excitement brewing that this could be a successful year, a game against Mavs in the first round of the Medals Cup was always going to be our toughest test.
Mavs, also unbeaten, would be worried about the youthful play of the energetic Town side, and rightly so. With the best young players in the area at the club, these 16-19 year olds are growing and giving any senior team a run for their money.
Even with talismanic, star player Eddie away on international duty, the Town side had enough to cause an upset and take it to the orange men.
And what a wonderful start. Early good play down the right hand side had talented Danny “silver-back” Weatherill (really, he is still young but has the body hair of a 70 year wizard), square the ball to Matty who was making a late run from midfield (it wasn’t really late. He set of 3 minutes earlier but managed to catch up with play. He’s just slow!). Matty hit a terrific first-time cross toward the back post for Nathan, only Matty miss-kicked it and it flew into the side netting. The keeper left rooted to the spot in total bewilderment. He couldn’t quite believe it and no one else could either.
1-0 up after minutes and the game was on. Mavs struggled to break us down and we played really well without creating too much more. Mavs rarely troubled the Town defence, marshalled expertly by the formidable Sean. Seeing the first half out, an upset was on the cards. With what seemed to be 8 minutes of stoppage time in the first half, a humped ball forward from Mavs had the back-line on the hop. Roy from Mavs was clean through and played a delightful dink over the onrushing Walker. The ball though, hit the bar, and with the defence now caught up, the ball came down off the bar onto the line and we some how ran the ball into the net with little opportunity to adjust our position and clear. 1-1 at half-time and heads went down a little.
The second half was much the same, Mavs made some changes with Woody going into centre back and Bastow now playing a left wing-back role. This was probably a direct response to the torment Danny had created in the first half. What Mavs didn’t realise, that everyone on the Town side did, was that Danny only has 50-60 minutes in him so didn’t trouble at all in the second half. Just before his standard substitution, a corner was whipped in and Captain Amazing rose like a salmon, closed his eyes, the ball hit his forehead and it flew in. The 14 Town fans went wild. With only 20 minutes left, Town were 2-1 up the dream was insight.
With Danny off and Jack Lav on now, Richie Bastow hit a glorious shot from distance into top bins to make 2-2. Another ball forward and we didn’t clear our lines very well. The ball fell to the Mavs player whose shot flew past Mark who had no chance. The wind knocked from Town sails, the rest of the game was quite poor in terms of football with both teams really cancelling each other out. The most notable chance of a winner for the Town fell to Swanny around the 6-yard box, only for the journey-man striker to volley over when he had more time than he realised to pick his spot.
Extra-time came and it might have possibly gone to penners. It looked like Mavs were the more likely to get something in extra time, with the Town side not really finding any groove. A dodgy corner decision got Mavs in front. The corner came over and we failed to clear again. Mark made a smart save to his left from close range, and still not getting the ball clear, the Mavs forward stuck the ball over the line.
Not much changed through extra time and in the second period, a mistake from Davo let in Davey Andrews who finished past Mark to make it 4-2 to the Mavs.
The result at the end of normal time was probably fair, and we need to get a bit smarter regarding decision making. That is, when to play the ball out of defence and when just to do everything you can to get it clear and regroup. Perhaps the older, wiser heads of the Mavs side won out in the end.

What can we take from this game?

1. We can mix it up with the best. We need not fear any team in the area.
2. Rob Foth can do a sterling job at RB after Jamie was ill (cheers Rob, great back there). And Kyle can play in any full back position. Brilliant you pal.
3. We need to make sure we get Nathan in the game some more and help support Swanny up top
4. Rammer cannot order any sizes of tops correctly
5. Matty cannot stop talking about his miss-hit cross. FFS Matty, you try a shot from distance every week, one was bound to go in at some point. It’s the law of averages.
6. It was great to see Tom CB come back from uni and play. Cheers CB, you’re my favourite player
7. Harry is becoming the best player in that position in the area. Probably the best 16 year old around. I reckon everyone says so, including his dad. Harry, you’re my favourite player.

Reeth this week lads. We want a great result and performance against our bogey team. I am not there so will miss you all, except Eddie. I think I will miss Jordan more than Eddie. (only joking Eddie, you’re my favourite player)

What’s that? Jesus Matty, stop talking about your goal. Yes it was class. OK, let’s all move on shall we before your winkle hurts from thinking about it all the time!

Another Nearly Game

It was always going to be a tough game in the North Riding Cup. Made tougher with key players being unavailable or injured. And even tougher when Jordan declares himself fit and starts (WTF gaffer).
With players missing, there were nods to fringe players to stake a claim for starting eleven action such as Matty Leaf and Millers who was making his first start when the usual centre back failed a late fitness test. Also, veteran goalkeeper Kenny was called into action when none of the other 23 goalkeepers we have used made themselves available.
With rolling subs an option, Danny was pleased as he needed to save his energy for sitting on his hairy arse later on to play FIFA (priorities Danny).
The game started a bit scrappy with neither team holding onto the ball too well. In the first few minutes there were early exchanges that came to very little. Kenny had to make a smart save with his right hand when their striker found himself clean through, denying the away side from taking the lead. There was then a small passage of player where we didn’t seem to get a hold of the game well, and Kenny was called into action again with two other good saves to stop the visitors taking the lead.
We settled into it though, and with some good play down the left, Swanny gambled on the cross and had a smart, flicked finish past the goalkeeper to make it 1-0 to the home side, much to the disappointment of the travelling team who thought they were coming for a walk over.
There centre-mid was looking the most dangerous player. It was clear that everything was coming through him and so tactical genius Rammer, brought Matty Leaf on for his debut with one job; “mark their centre-mid” (which by the way Leafy was class at, and he was largely anonymous for the rest of the game).
Shortly after, some soft play down the home-side’s right led to their full-back putting over a great cross, only for their right winger to tap it in with no one around him. A bit disappointed with the goal, the Town battled on and Danny had a great shot saved by their keeper when the ball looked destined to go in. Danny had another shot from outside the box, this time with his left foot and wily fox Swanny gambled that the keeper might drop it, which he did and Swanny tapped home to make it 2-1 at half time.
Now, we might not have played too well, but 2-1 up against a good side in the cup we would take. Early in the second half however, another cross from their left went all the way to the back post, their right winger collected and cut back to the edge of the 18 yard box and the midfielder hit a great shot into the roof of the net to draw.
After that, not a lot happened. Both teams had some opportunities to break through, but it came to nothing really. Arguably we had more of the play and looked the most dangerous. The game finished 2-2 and went straight to PKs.
We ended up losing 4-3 on penners, Matty, Rob and Danny scored theirs. Miller, Swanny and Captain Lugs missed theirs. It’s a shame as with the last penner to take we would have won 4-2 with West Pier already ballooned two over the bar.
In the end, the result was probably for the best. Gilroy who we know as Eddie (just a nickname from school), was being filmed and pictures taken by the opposition who felt we were fielding eligible players. Had we gone through, there would have probably been some inquest anyways – they have form I understand.

So what did we learn lads:

1. Danny likes playing digital footy more than real footy – perhaps he doesn’t tire as quick
2. Swanny is awesome up top and can play centre-back too
3. Despite not playing too well, we can mix it up with the rest of ’em
4. Rammer does have some tactical nouse in there, he just hides it well…. really well!
5. Sean is really shit at scorpion kicks
6. Nathan loves nothing more than taking a dump just as penners are about to start
7. Kenny still has it (although he is an old man and is feeling it this morning)
8. Jordan’s new line in boob tubes and short waist coats is not going to take off.

Unicorn next week lads, tough game but we have the class to win that. UTT!


Town Reserves continue their good start to the season, stretching their unbeaten run to 5 games. Travelling Spenny were the latest side coming to the home of football and nearly caused a major upset. After last weeks heroics versus AWS, there was a potential slip up in today’s match. While Town’s good form had them down for a win for this tie, Spenny were no mugs and Gaffer Rammer reminded the team of that before the game started.
It was great to see Danny Weatherill back in the side with no work commitments. Swanny was also on the bench for his first appearance to bring some guile and experience to the already exciting attacking side. Also, Tom Gilroy, who was unavailable for the firsts (apparently) and so came to join the reserves for the day.
The first half was a little slow and it took 10 minutes for the young reserves to begin to control the game. Eddie was getting some early ball and the inform winger, 20 yards out, hit a nice early shot which the keeper saved well down to his left. 10 minutes late, the mesmerising Lewington picked the ball up in a similar position where he had his last strike and hit a ferocious strike which seemed to go in and bounce out and we can only assume it hit the post.
We had settled well into the game now and while it wasn’t the fast moving, fast paced game we have had for the last few weeks, there was really only one team in it, without creating any real chances. In fact we rarely really tested the Spenny keeper who, after a long clearance from Mark seemed to fall over the ball, hit it with his hand and put it out for a corner. There was no pressure around him either.
Team talk at half time and 1-0 up Town seemed a little frustrated that they hadn’t played well. A reminder about keep being professional from the gaffer and also that we need not force it resonated with the team. We also felt that we played too narrow and we need to be wide and use the pitch. The Gaffer also reminded the team that “this aint no keeper, he’s shit, let’s get some shots away”.
Into the second half and the team duly obliged. With Gilroy on for Danny early in the second half and Swanny making his debut, the Reserves had the attacking power to get right among the goals and put the game to bed. Their keeper had other ideas though. Wave after wave of Town pressure created loads of chances. The notable ones saw headers saved from Sean and Gilroy. Eddie clean through had only the keeper to beat and shot it at him. Gilroy quickly pounced on the rebound but the keeper got up and saved that too. A loose ball around the 6 yard box had the Spenny team fighting for their lives, and we are sure that a Spenny player tried to move the crossbar or goal to prevent the ball going over the line. In between all this, Spenny had gone up the other end and with a low cross into the six yard box, Mark came to collect and as the ball bobbled, it hit our defender then hit their attacker then rolled in. It didnt stop us though. More attacks came and their keeper (who must have been drinking some magic water at half time) saved EVERYTHING that we hit at target, some seemed destined for the corners but Allison seemed to be in the nets for Spenny. His best save was whilst on the floor making another save Matty cushioned a shot to go above him in the roof of the net, only the keepers go go gadget arms extended and he stopped the ball from going in. We lost all shape as the game went on, everyone trying too much and we left ourselves exposed at the back.
Full time and Town came off thinking “how didn’t we win that game”. It finished 1-1 and a good result for Spenny, but for a challenging Town side it was points dropped. A week off now and Mavs in the cup. We have the squad and mentality to cause another upset and go all the way!

What did we learn to day lads?

1. When we stop playing short, quick passes we start to force it.
2. We wait until the opposition is on us before we pass the ball.
3. We need to be disciplined and keep shape when things arent going our way.
4. Wevsy has the hairiest toes I have every seen! There is more hair on this boy’s feet than on an entire team of German Women Shot Putters.
5. We continue to create lots of chances and we need to be more ruthless in front of goal. Take every chance.


Drama seems to follow the team around at the moment. This already crucial game of the season away at Catterick AWS was no exception, with an array of emotions on display throughout the 90 minutes, and that was just the Management Team.
With a number of the lads dashing off to university and freshers week, Rammer had been busy in the transfer market by all accounts, and new signing Adam Lee-Shields due to start for this game. It was a late change in line-up however, when Adam had declared himself unavailable.
With a lack of a recognised centre-forward, the Gaffer pushed Jamie in a more advanced role and tried to keep the formidable backline tight as it had been in previous games.
With a game plan, instructions and letting everyone know that we have some great squad depth we started the first half, generally OK. After the first 5 minutes though, we kept giving the ball away, didn’t pass to feet, didn’t move it quickly and were basically shit! Everything that was said before the game, was not generally carried out. We were really poor and when a through ball from the right found Jez going passed our defence, Mark ran out to close him down only to decide he was also going nail the oncoming attacker. As the ball was played past Walker, he could do nothing but wipe out Jez which resulted in a penalty, which AWS scored. We simply didn’t get into the game at all first half, and while we half-threatened, AWS broke quickly down the left, with a good cross to an unmarked Tim Holland at the back post for a tap in. 2-0 down against a very good side and our unbeaten run was coming to an end.
We rarely troubled the back line of AWS. Eddie and Nathan couldn’t seem to get the ball down and play and we made an enforced change to push Jamie back into left back and put Tyler up top to be a nuisance and perhaps help with holding the ball upfront. It was a shame for the versatile player who came off just before half time with an injury and young Jack Lav came on, and the pack was shuffled again. It was a drab game and there were a few naughty challenges, which resulted in Gav Rudd getting a yellow just before half time for a late challenge on Simpson.
Cue the half time bollocking for not playing as instructed, for not putting in the effort and not playing as a team; and reminding them that the AWS players were just laughing at us.

The second half was totally different from the first. WE actually turned up! It was a total flip. We pressed, we kept shape, we moved the ball quickly and with Nathan in the hole now, a short pass from Matty T allowed Nathan to take a few touches and rifled the ball into the net from 30 yards. An early contender for goal of the season, giving the importance of the goal as we were 2-0 down. We were back in it. AWS getting more and more frustrated as we just played around them, a few more feisty challenges were coming in and we gave it back too. Eddie, who had grown into the game and lead by example by getting the game by the scruff of the neck in the second half, went on a mazey run into the box. The keeper chasing him down seemed to simply obstruct the clubs current top scorer, illegally according to the ref who blew for a penner and booked the protesting keeper. Eddie, coolly slotted home the PK and we deserved to be back in the game.
We continued to press, and AWS were limited to some hopeful chances which Mark dealt with expertly.
Jamie, who seemed out of sorts with a knock, was subbed on for another young player, Joe Jordan who was on hand to make his debut. The young left back looked composed at the back and was rarely troubled. Our play now was good and space was being created with Jack Lav moving the ball well, rarely losing possession and some short passes around the box was allowing Rob and Nathan to run at defenders.
It was then when we scored the third. A hopeful, punted clearance from Joe (not De Bruyne esq Joe) landed at Eddie’s feet. With some great touches, the influential Lewington ghosted past a couple of the AWS team before hitting a low drive from 20 yards past the keeper. From 2-0 down to 3-2 with only 20 mins to play, it was a great display of character from the team.
There were some resolute defending from the back too, with Kyle continually cool in his play and on the ball, and both Davo and Sean making some top interceptions and blocks. Harry and Matty continued to battle well and won their fair share in the centre of the park.
The last 20 minutes brought on more drama. An umbrella was needed as it began raining cards. After being booked in the first half, Gav Rudd put a number of generally OK challenges throughout the second half, but with a number of them resulting in free-kicks, he made one too many and received his second yellow and marching orders. 3-2 up and against 10 men, this was surely going to be Town’s afternoon now. We still played our game and Rob ran his heart out against their backline. He twisted and turned and kept them from playing out from the back (here is a nod to you mate!).
With only 10 minutes to go, a lunging challenge from Jez in the middle of the park on MOM Simpson, resulted in a yellow for the AWS player. With more frustrations building, a long ball forward from AWS had the superb Mark Walker charging out and clearing his lines. With the GK having already cleared the ball, it seemed Jez ran, jumping in late at the keeper, and whilst was late, deserved a yellow. However the ref thought otherwise and gave a straight red for the challenge with 5 minutes to go. Concern was growing for the Reserves as Mark seemed injured from the heavy challenge and sub Mudd might have to come on in his place. Thankfully though, Mark , who also liked to make his own drama by the look of it (reckon a part on Emmerdale is around the corner), showed his warrior spirit and went on to finish the game.
It was a display which showed our fantastic character and team spirit. Testament to all you players, you showed really quality in that second half. It was a display which may well upset Mavs’ Tangerine Dream of another unbeaten season. This would have sent some more messages to the rest of the league. We are unbeaten in 4. We are scoring goals and rarely conceding. This is the time to dream. Even for Harry whose performances throughout September have been bloody brilliant. Wouldn’t it be great to have our own dream (not Blue Dream Rammer you pervert). A dream where my report finishes ” and Needham fired home from 25 yards to win the league” is part of my last report of the season. Together we can make that dream come true boys.

What did we learn lads?

1. The Management Team actually know what we are talking about sometimes
2. We win games with effort and character, not just ability.
3. Eddie has never done a football card before (do we pick who we think might win the league? FFS mate)
4. Jordan clearly fancies Rammer given his licking of his lips staring into the Gaffers eyes in the pub
5. Our team and togetherness is class, best squad I have ever been involved in.


Hawes Utd crossed the Dales to take on the mighty Reserves in only their second game of the season after having last week off. The visitors had already been beaten 4-1 on the opening day of the season, and this game against the young Richmond Town Reserve side was going to prove to be a hard fought affair. Hawes are always strong and competitive, and the management team remember when Hawes won the league and often challenged for the title in the following seasons (no it wasn’t that long ago in the scheme of things, we are not that old). The travelling Hawes side however, are a shadow of their former dominance; and despite the Reserves not playing to the standard set the week previous during the demolition of Colburn, the home side were too good for the visitors.
A rather cagey start at first from the home side, who didnt move the ball quickly enough. Hawes were good a generally pressing and this stopped the short passing game, building from the back and the away side ate up any long balls to Simpson who was playing up top.
After a short time settling into the game, there was an early chance for the sublime Lewington who, with a touch of deja-vu from last week, shot wide when through on goal. Lewington, then was clean through following a ball by Fortheringham down the right hand side. Eddie was that quick and the defenders were so far behind he just begun to slow down, only the keeper to beat, Eddie tried to tap it past the keeper at his near post, but the keeper stuck out a foot pushing the ball onto the post.

The first goal though was pure class. The influential Cock, already with 2 goals to his name in the previous game, added to his season’s tally after great work by Lewington. Eddie squared the ball from the left to Cock who slipped in around the back. With it all to do, Cock cushioned the ball and performed a kind of chip come volley over the keeper into the top corner. It was a goal of sheer quality and a goal like this will never be scored again. Cock stroked it home lovely. (Note to readers: the paragraph describing the first goal is total fiction. Lewis did score this goal although it just kind of hit him on the goal line and looped into the top of the net. Please disregard the bullshit previously written)

One nil up and the home side were growing into the game now, with Rob doing well down the right hand side, only to find his final ball just lacking. Into half time and the home side were winning, but perhaps a little frustrated that more goals had not come their way. The second half brought on drama, mainly caused by the ref for his inability to actually ref. A ball up to Nathan who was in the box with his back to goal, encouraged the Hawes defender to win the ball but only if he came right through the back of the striker. He dutifully obliged and Nathan was wiped out in the box, the ref gave no penner though, what a joke. According to the man in black, Nathan ain’t strong enough. Excuse me ref have you seen Nath, he is like an ox. Hard done by, the home side rallied and a lovely ball from Rob on the edge of the box found Eddie who hit a great shot past the keeper and the ball flew in. It was a great time to score as Hawes had equalised a few minutes before when Captain Lugs allowed his man to turn who squared the ball and the midfielder finished well into the bottom corner.
Eddie, growing in confidence, was played in down the left and the winger was too quick and clever for the Hawes defender. With them both chasing the high ball, the defender knew he was never going to catch him, so just pushed Eddie out of the way in the box. A foul anywhere else on the pitch, but the ref seemed to have an aversion to giving PKs, again waved away the shouts from the home side. Gaz, on for Rob at this point decided to take matters into his own hands and made a strong late challenge on the Hawes defender. The ref had lost control of the game and with frustrations building, Assistant Head Ball Blower Kenny was sin binned for inquiring where the ref kept his head (suggesting it was in a dark hole, near his rear). Kenny, who was already off the pitch so couldn’t actually go any where, asked where the sin bin was, to which the ref said somewhere near some other goals. Bye, Bye, Bye, Bye, Bye what a silly little twat. While Kenny was walking to stand in his bin of sin, Rammer called someone a f***ing idiot, and with ref feeling like he was getting picked on, gave the Gaffer a straight red card (which after the game, he told Rammer he got the wrong card out, what a muppet). Shortly after all the drama, Nathan picked up a pass from Jamie, and rifled a shot from outside of the box which arrowed into the bottom corner. Magic from the man who was returning from injury and was so prolific pre-season. Town continued to play well throughout the game with Matty playing some great balls for the forwards, Harry again winning everything in midfield and the back line continues to impress each and every game (come back each week Steady, you’re my favourite).
The away side rarely troubled the young team who are growing in stature each week. No one was getting past Tyler or Jamie, with Sean and Jacob mopping anything up. Walker in the nets was a general spectator with just some routine catching and collecting to keep him involved.
There was just time for another goal, when Lewington, who had tormented all day long, was clean down the wing, squared the ball to beetroot head Walker (he had done at least 10 mins of running and was “hot”), to tap in, only for the Hawes defender to turn it in for Gaz.
The result ended 4-1 to Super Reserves who could have had more on the day. We will take 3 points against a usually strong Hawes though.

What did we learn today lads?

1. Even if we don’t play to our best standard, we will always create chances.
2. Mark does not like anyone bullying his brother
3. Our back line is awesome, and we have so many good options in there (Kyle, Jamie, Davo, Sean, Jacob, Tyler, Forbesy (when he is back, and Joe Jordan knocking on the door) all quality lads.
4. Nathan can finish (top strike today mate)
5. Even when the ref is hump, Sean still loves them.
6. Cocksy can make any goal sound good, even when it is possibly the shittiest goal anyone has ever seen.

AWS next week boys. Another tough game. It has been a hard few games for us and we go in full of confidence. Let’s work as a team, press as a team and remember, we are all in it together. Everyone has their part to play.


Not too long ago, this same fixture brought Colburn an emphatic 9-1 win. Last year we improved and despite being in the lead twice, we narrowly lost the game 3-2. It was going to be a close, hard fought game on a windy Saturday afternoon at Jaffa, or that is what everyone had thought. Our performance and the result showed just how far we have come in a few seasons.
There maybe some talk of “first teamers” coming in, which swayed the result in our favour. The truth is that Jason who was coming back from injury hasn’t really featured for the first team this year (came off at half time looking after his calf). Adam, has also been injured and needed some football (ended up at left back after Forbesy got injured). Gilroy was with us all pre-season any way (and came off just after half time) and Andy came into the nets and was generally a spectator anyway (cheers for helping out Andy, top lad mate).
When you consider that Kyle was missing, Andy Davo was missing, Nathan is still injured, the Walker twins weren’t available and Swanny is still to come in; given the performance we would have won this game anyway, maybe not so emphatically, it would have still been 3 points to Town Reserves.

The game kicked off with one enforced changed. Jamie was to start at RB following Kyle’s absence only for him to turn up just before kick off, so Tyler stepped in a right back and had a brilliant game. Our early pressure all over the pitch meant that Colburn couldn’t get the ball down and play and usual danger man Tom Sweeny had limited touches of the ball. We had some early chances too, the most notable one went to Eddie who tapped the ball wide from close range. The break- through came when a general scrabble around the box had Eddie passing the ball past the Colburn defender who slipped on the line and in doing so stuck out his hand to stop the ball crossing the line. It fell to Lewis who was offside and he tapped it in. The ref had a call to make. It was a goal or PK and sending off. In good spirit the goal stood.
Shortly after that, Gilroy had some good chances which he would have usually dispatched well, only for the keeper to make some decent saves. The second came when Gilroy became provider after a slick passing move up the pitch, had him slide the ball onto Eddie who passed the ball into the net for a great first time finish and a quality team goal.
Colburn pressed on to get back into it. Most notably down our left hand-side when Dan Deeney showed great pace down the line and then crossed the ball. The ball was slid into the corner by Colburn, generally against the run of play. After that it was one way traffic, and we got our third when Gilroy was clean through and the Colburn defender slid in, pretty high, wiping out the winger which resulted in a PK. The defender received a yellow for the challenge but could have seen red as it was a little naughty. Eddie was cool and tucked the PK away.
3-1 at half time and we had been by far the better team. Rammer instructed the side to keep doing the same and build on the lead. Changes were needed as Newall’s calf was tight and so Jamie came on at RB and Tyler replaced Shaun at LB. Captain Lugs came in to CB with Stead.

Shortly into the second half, Gilroy had an effort which came off the post and Walker who was a menace all day scuffed the rebound into the keeper. Shame, as the speedy forward deserved a goal for his general all-round play. We continued to stifle any attacks from Colburn with Harry and Lewis creating a formidable partnership in the centre of the park winning everything, and a defenders simply mopping anything else up, it was a joy to watch. The fourth goal came from Eddie who completed his hat-trick with a great volley from 25 yards. (just bloody shoot more Eddie, you dont need to run it into the nets lad). 4-1 and it really was game over. Colburn tried breaking down the right this time, but between Jamie and Steady, it came to nothing and Tyler had Deeney in his pocket in the second half. With Colburn trying to get something, there was more space now and our counter-attacking could have resulted in a goal nearly every time. Gilroy was off now with a knocked ankle and Rob Foth came on. Some good early runs from him and he was through with just the keeper to beat who ended up making a good save. Tom CB who helped dominate in midfield and attack was judged to be up ended in the box and we had another PK. Eddie stepped up and sent the keeper the wrong way for 4 goals. He wasn’t finished though as he beat the off-side trapped and tapped the ball passed the keeper. That is 5 goals in 2 league games this season for the young winger.
Frustration was setting in for Colburn and with their CB getting sin-binned and then shouting something, saw a red card from the ref who thought it was directed at him. Colburn down to 10 men, the game totally out of sight.
After not featuring at all last week, Jordan came on for Tyler,to play left back and after 2 minutes, landed awkwardly dislocating his shoulder. He came off and it was back to 10 v 10. With only a few minutes to go, Colburn 6-1 down, Lewis decided he wanted to show exactly what he can do. Picking the ball up just inside his own half, the midfielder went on a mazy run, defenders were falling over as he weaved in and out of them, and getting into the box, his team mates urging him to shoot. Lewis had other ideas. He invited more defenders onto beat and one more obliged only for Lew to beat him too and then rifled his left footed shot in the bottom corner. A goal of the highest quality.
The full time whistle went shortly after and Colburn were probably happy it was over.

What did we learn lads:

1. Easily the best crop of young players to have at the club and will only get better.
2. Eddie needs to bring his girlfriend more often if he is going to get 5 goals a game.
3. Forbsey gets more injuries than Danny Weatherill (previously thought this was impossible)
4. Matty Turnball’s attitude is exemplary (sorry you didn’t get on Matty)
5. Working together, having great attitudes and working hard pays out with good performances and goals
6. Jay loves tomato sauce and mayonnaise mixed together (“makes brown sauce” weirdo)
7. More goals makes for longer reports and Kenny doesn’t have time for such long reports.
8. Sean was so far up the ref’s arse, we could only tell where the ref finished and Sean started as his ears wouldn’t go in.

Hawes at home next week boys. Nathan is hoping to be back, Davo and Kyle also back in and Walkers also back in (crossed fingers). Matty T starts (go team Matty). Let’s keep it going next week team.


A late fitness test on inform star winger come striker Nathan Simpson, left the gaffer with a dilemma when he declared himself unfit for the season opener. Without a recognised striker available due to daft shit like cricket, pacey Joe Ramsay got the nod after some impressive performances pre-season, albeit not in such an advanced role. Lewis Cocks came into the midfield and Tom CB was also in following good games in the close season. Steve Walker also came in for brother Mark. (Cheers Steve, awesome in those nets).
The team today was impressive and while it can be disappointing to those who didn’t make it or didn’t get on, remember we are a team and a squad. We all play a part in making it successful lads.
For the season opener, it was always going to be tough against The Buck. The visitors had already seen off league champs Mavs in their last two games, although Town had already beaten them in the pre-season cup. It was going to be a close game and the result itself would suggest this. The truth though is far from a 0-0 thriller at Wembley.
At kick-off we were composed and assured and this remained throughout the entire game. We were causing problems without really causing problems. We started to move the ball fast, we competed for every ball and didn’t let up. Tip of the hat to Rob who played up top and did plenty of running to upset the Buck back 4. We just couldn’t create good chances from our hard work.
The first half had few chances for both teams. The Buck though were gifted a PK when Andy controlled a ball in the box which bounced up and hit him in the hand. In my day this was good old ball to hand. No penalty. These days though, anytime that ball hits a hand that’s it. Bullshit if you ask me, it’s not like Davo tried to stop a shot or control it with his hand. Anyway, Stu Foth for the Buck stepped up to tuck the PK away. Only, at the last minute, Stu must have noticed the lesser spotted, yellow breast, pigmy pigeon in the tree above the goal. Knowing that these pigeons fetch £5k for the bird collectors, Stu took aim and humped the ball right over the goal and into the tree. Justice served if you ask me and Steve didn’t need to make the save.
The first half was a professional competent performance. We didn’t create a great lot but we looked good all over the pitch.
In the second half, we spent most of the time in the Buck half of the pitch. They didn’t look like they were going to break us down at all and this meant we could attack more in numbers. Tyler came on for Rob and Jamie came on for Joe pretty early on in the second half.
Most notable chances fell to CB who, on another day would have had a hat trick. After great work by Eddie, he came inside and hit a shot over to the corner flag with only the keeper to beat. He got underneath a cross and header over too, and he knows he could have done better.
Eddie also put in some great work and deserved to try and have some shots with his right rather than his left, but never troubled the keeper.
We battered them in that second half. Harry and Lewis were awesome in midfield, winning everything and being good with the ball. Cocksy played some lovely balls throughout the game and Harry, well, I dont remember Harry ever losing a challenge or giving the ball away. Quality lads.
Despite our effort, great work and attitude today, we just couldn’t get the three points. We needn’t be disheartened with that though. Our performance was great and we kept it clean which never happens in the cheese league.
Some key points of note:

1. Davo loves handling the ball in the box
2. Kyle being throttled and thrown to the ground. But did a cool roly poly so looked ace doing it!
3. Jamie going to head the ball, missing it and not looking ace while doing that. Looked like a lonely salmon trying to get up river. How he escaped Dick of the Day votes is beyond me.
4. Sean’s touch from that high ball and his pass – stop it captain, just stop it.
5. Joe asking for a drinks break – just before kick off! WTF!
6. Tyler has about 20 minutes in him (well done today though mate)
7. Jacob had loads of mazy runs today – class.
8. Jacob got booked again (not class) – making him the most booked player in Wensleydale Creamery League 100 year history (only played 2 and a bit seasons).

Goals next week lads. Away to Colburn. It will be tough but with the effort and attitude we had today 3 points for us. UTT!